Not much has happened since my last post but one event did happen which greatly impacted me. This weekend I went on a retreat w/ Newman (the student run Catholic Church here in Davis). My main reason for going on the retreat was mainly to get to know people so when I go to Newman I dont just sit around while everyone else gets into coversations w/ their cliques. Spirituality wasnt exactly #1 on my list which I did feel guilty about. I was really hesitant at first about going because I had 2 miterms the monday after we got back and a midterm on thursday (tomorrow!). After a great debate occured in Steve's mind we finally got out of the apartment. I assumed I'd ride with Ken Michael and Steve just because thats how we came to Newman, and why should we split up if all our stuff was already in the car and Ken was willing to drive...? However it ended up that I was put in a car with Haley, Stephanie (two girls I hardly knew) and Jackie who I know reasonably well. Haha I joked around that Id come out of the car a girl with all that estrogen and people laughed but I was cool w/ it. Odd fact about me which most of my friends notice is that a large proportion of my friends are girls so I dont mind their company. I just butt heads w/ guys too easily and end up thinking evil thoughts *evil grin*. Odd thing is that due to my current friendships I have certain opinions of people at Newman so I was assuming that car ride would be odd (and I honestly I want to know who arranged this car order because I think something was planned here...). All in all the car ride was fine and dandy and I enjoyed the presence of our great driver Haley and lousy navigator Jackie and expert waver Stephanie. No one wanted to wave to me b/c im scary. The first night of the retreat was kinda odd on my behalf because i didnt know anyone and felt left out because everyone else knew eachother, but by the end of that night things were starting to look up. I was partnered up w/ Arnell who has a lot in common w/ me emotions wise and it was really cool to get to know him, someone who i can relate to. I ended up making some really good friends on the retreat (we'll see how these friendships work out post-retreat, if they work out at all) with Carlos, Jose, Rowena, Stephanie (b/c were the cool kids), Arnell, Laura, and i got to know other people a lot better. Mass was quite an emotional experience but not initially. At first I was kinda weirded out by the fog machine and music. Kneelling for a long time hurt too. I tried to pray but i felt guilty because i was just praying for myself (good grades, good health, mental stability, family happiness) but i didnt feel like i was praying enough for God. Hearing people cry around me was kind of odd because I didnt know why they were crying, not to say I didnt get teary eyed or shed a tear. Maybe thats because I dont like showing emotions *shrugs* bug the sadness never hits me until I see someone I care about being what I perceive as hurt. For their sake and mine I wont say who it was that did it to me but I eventually did break down. I dunno if I'd say it felt good, but the following hugs everyone gave eachother were very comforting and I felt like I wasnt alone and that others were feeling the same and we were all there for eachother. That was a good experience. Overall I was quite happy w/ the retreat and felt like I made some new friends, or atleast laid the foundation for friendship. I hope things will work out well.

Emil's thoughts took float @ 11:34 AM